you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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