I just saw a hot homeless man
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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