Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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