He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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