all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
