He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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