i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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