He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
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In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
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Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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