I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
