I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
