While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
