so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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