Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Let's paint friendship bongs
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
