I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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