the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
