I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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