I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
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I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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