I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
They have beer where we have blood.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
