I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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