I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
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mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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