He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My bed smells like the plague
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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