he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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