My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
