i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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