you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
