covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
