but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
