Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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