yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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