I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
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She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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