the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
