Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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