I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
