Just fell off a train. Bad.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
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He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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