we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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