so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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