call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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