Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
