i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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