You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize