omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am naked and annoyed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
