I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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