What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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