God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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