If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize