It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
