So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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