I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you still have your period?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week