How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't