And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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