so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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